“You’ll never please everyone. So who are you really choosing to be?”
After living away from my home country for more than 10 years, I still struggle to answer one simple question: who am I?
It’s not that I lack a label. I call myself an ‘international professional’ – a term that sounds respectable enough. ‘International’ suggests movement across borders. ‘Professional’ implies accumulated knowledge and expertise. But this convenient shorthand still falls short of capturing who I really am.
As a career coach working with international professionals, I see this struggle everywhere. In networking events. In job interviews. In LinkedIn profiles that somehow all sound the same. We’ve learned to package ourselves neatly into expected categories – the ambitious expat, the global nomad, the third culture kid. But these labels often feel hollow because they don’t capture our actual experiences or what truly drives us.
The truth is, being able to articulate who you are matters. Potential employers want to understand your story. Collaborators need to know what you bring beyond credentials. Your professional network connects with you because of shared values and experiences, not just shared industries.
Yet so often, we default to stereotypes or generic descriptions that don’t distinguish us from anyone else.
The Challenge of Self-Definition
So how do you break free from generic labels and articulate who you really are?
I’ve considered the usual options, and none quite work.
Why Common Labels Don’t Fit
Citizen of the world? Too easy, too cheap, and hollow in every practical sense. You are really only a citizen of one country, maybe two if that’s allowed. Citizenship carries the heavy responsibility of representation, belonging, and defending the country’s honour. How can I possibly do that for the world when it is hard enough to do it justice for my own country?
Personal demographics? I could list my age, gender, ethnicity, and my multiple roles as mother, wife, worker and community volunteer. But I don’t feel like exposing my personal life to a wide faceless readership. There’s little chance of meaningful dialogue in the internet sphere of partial fleeting attention.
Professional credentials? I could dig deep into what I do and the value I bring. After all, isn’t that what we do on LinkedIn? We position ourselves as an authority on X, with sure-fire strategies for Y, and crystal ball gazing into the future of Z. But I hear the dissenting voice: oh no, not another cringy self-promotional humble brag!
Confessional authenticity? Maybe I ditch being professional and go confessional. I could reveal my deepest fears, my latest desires, my 2025 bucket list. Would this be the authentic voice that people want to hear? Or just a higher level of cringe for the naysayers?
The Father, Son, and Donkey Parable
I’m reminded of the story of the father, his son, and a donkey. They tried every way to travel well, but couldn’t win.
At first, the father rode while the son walked. Bystanders chided the father for letting his young son walk. Then the son rode while the father walked. Now the criticism targeted the son for letting his elderly father walk. Then both rode the donkey together. But the outcry was about cruelty – how could they make the donkey bear the weight of two people? Finally, father and son carried the donkey on their backs. All they heard was laughter and derision.
The moral? You will never please all audiences. So do what you believe is sensible and within your own moral conscience, instead of responding to every possible criticism.
My Story: A Different Kind of International
Applying this moral, who am I beyond the label of ‘international professional’?
I’ll answer with a story.
Growing Up in Singapore
I am from Singapore. I grew up in systems based on meritocracy and competition, shaped by cultural notions of generational respect and family pride.
My peers and I were always trying to go ‘international’ – for culture, education, and lifestyle. But it was a ‘western’ kind of international, with specific countries in mind, ranked in order of preference. This particular form of being international was prestigious, desirable, and an investment for future advancement.
As the internet opened up the world in new ways – connecting us to information, opportunities, and people beyond our borders – going international shifted from dream to possibility. We could see what was out there. We could imagine ourselves in those places. The world felt within reach in a way it hadn’t for previous generations.
But while international-oriented people zigged, I zagged. I wasn’t craving a specific kind of international label or a fast-tracked pathway to success. I wanted to explore ideas that mattered to me and find my own kind of international.
My First International Experience: Canada
My first experience of being international was as an exchange student at Simon Fraser University in Burnaby, just outside Vancouver.
It was also my first experience of snow. It was supposed to be magical. It turned out to be a slushy, sneaker-soaked disappointment I will never forget.
But thank goodness that experience didn’t define my international journey. My dormitory was truly international – local Canadians, international and exchange students from various Asian and European countries. I had eye-opening interactions for my 21-year-old self who had lived a fairly sheltered life in conservative Singapore.
The moments I remembered: Being told off by my Swiss dorm mate for having the radio on too loud at 7 am. (I was playing classical music at what I thought was a reasonable low volume.) Being clueless about putting a paper plate in the oven and nearly burning down the kitchen. Observing a standoff between my Chinese dorm mate cleaning a fish in the shared kitchen sink and the Swiss making remarks in accented English which my Chinese friend either didn’t catch or couldn’t care less about.
I remember squeezing into a car driven by Chinese Jeff who had a broken side window taped up with cardboard. Canadian Bob wasn’t wearing a seatbelt. I kept asking annoying questions: Is this okay? Is it legal? Am I allowed to sit in the middle? All the way to the cinema to watch Good Will Hunting.
I really lapped up the ‘go for it’ attitude of the Canada I experienced then. It was liberating to just try things out and not worry about what others would think. Being international felt like I could be free to explore who I wanted to be!
The Mountain Climb That Changed Everything
The deepest memory I have was going on a mountain climb at the start of Spring.
Weather was great, they said. Won’t you come along? Winter and slushy snow were things of the past. I was no fitness buff but had gotten used to walking around the nearby hills. So I thought, sure, what’s not to like about a mountain climb with friends?
On the day of the hike, I came prepared in my own way. Jeans and track shoes. Umbrella, water bottle, beanie and gloves in backpack.
Of course, everyone else wore appropriate hiking gear. I was the only one in jeans. What did I know about proper hiking clothes? Not much really.
My ignorance became my downfall just a couple of hours in. It was getting difficult to move in jeans. Then it started to rain. Out came my umbrella, which became more burden than help when navigating rocky terrain. I was slowing down as others leaped ahead. Then it started to snow. I could barely make out where the rest of the group was.
My beanie and gloves came in handy at least. But my track shoes were thoroughly soaked and my feet were icy cold. Two guys stayed with me to make sure I kept moving – one behind me, one ahead. The snow was getting heavier. There was no way but up.
I felt like a total fool for thinking the Canadian gung-ho spirit was all I needed for a mountain hike. I felt I was going to die. I was tired, unfit, and miserable about the weather, my incompetence, and totally overwhelmed by the challenge.
But I had two cheerleaders, one from behind and one in front. I somehow managed to inch my way up to the top.
The rest of the group was there, waiting for me. We even took a photo of our victory pose.
What Being International Really Means
That was the defining experience for me about being international. Exploring a new country and culture. Being unprepared but doing it anyway. Having cross-cultural friendships through shared and meaningful experiences.
It was a brief four months. Over time I’ve lost touch with all these wonderful friends. But those experiences sealed in me this desire to be international and the very real notion that what doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger.
This wasn’t just a memorable trip. It was my inciting incident – the moment that shaped my values, my approach to challenges, and what I look for in my professional life. It taught me that being international isn’t about prestige or following a prescribed path. It’s about the willingness to be uncomfortable, to rely on others, and to push through when you feel unprepared.
My Answer: Identity Through Story
So who am I?
An international professional who is motivated by the ability to explore freely and be part of a multi-cultural environment of shared and meaningful experiences.
I had to say that through a story. A sentence or two would just be a string of context-less words.
When people ask me now – in interviews, at conferences, in coaching conversations – I don’t just list my credentials. I tell them about standing in the snow on that mountain, feeling utterly out of my depth, and making it to the top anyway. That story tells them more about who I am and how I work than any resume bullet point ever could.
Your Turn: What’s Your Defining Moment?
As international professionals, we all have these moments. The experiences that shape who we are and why we do what we do. But many of us have never taken the time to identify them or articulate why they matter.
So here’s my challenge to you:
Think back to your own inciting incident. What was the defining moment or experience that shaped who you are as an international professional? Not the expected milestones – your first degree, your first job, your first promotion. But the moment that revealed something fundamental about your values, your resilience, or what truly motivates you.
Maybe it was a moment of cultural misunderstanding that taught you empathy. A professional setback that redirected your path. A conversation that changed how you saw yourself. An unexpected friendship that expanded your worldview.
Take time to reflect on it. What made it significant? What did you learn about yourself? How does it connect to who you are today and what you’re trying to build in your career?
Then practice articulating it. Not as a rehearsed elevator pitch, but as a genuine story that helps others understand what drives you. This is how you move beyond generic labels and stereotypes. This is how you show people who you really are.
Because here’s what I’ve learned through years of coaching international professionals: The ones who can articulate their story with clarity and authenticity are the ones who build meaningful careers and connections. They’re the ones who find opportunities that truly fit them, rather than just chasing what looks prestigious.
But now that you know my backstory, I can leave you with just a few more words:
Carpe diem. Seize the day. Make your lives extraordinary. Be your own kind of international.
Dr Sherrie Lee is a Certified Career Services Provider™ and career coach specialising in cross-cultural career transitions. With a PhD in Education focusing on cultural networking practices and over 10 years of facilitation, training and coaching experience, she helps international professionals build authentic networks and thrive in new work cultures. Learn more about Dr Sherrie Lee and book a free no-obligation 20-min call to find out how career coaching can help you.
