I’ve been writing and writing and wondering when it’ll end. It doesn’t, it won’t, but there’s always good reason to pause for thinking, re-reading, and letting go. Just when I thought I was going down the path of one idea (that is, providing an alternative to the deficit discourse on international students), it became apparent that chasing that idea was becoming trite and ultimately, not answering the ‘so what’ question. Lately, I’ve realised that while I’ve spent a considerable amount of effort in pursuing an idea, I have to let it go in favour of a better one.
This whole business of writing and refining your proposal is an exercise in building up stamina, finding new routes, and being persistent in moving forward. A bit like digging a tunnel – you just have to keep on digging until you’ve reached a place where it’s safe to pop your head out into the light!
There have been times when I feel shrouded in the darkness but I always try to avoid being isolated in private intellectual thoughts. There may be some romanticised view of the solitary academic producing voluminous work in a corner of a cafe filled with the aroma of coffee (and in real life, I can actually see this in a professor I know!), but I am no lone ranger and find it dangerous to entertain thoughts of solitary confinement.
The journey may be my own, the destination of my choosing, but my travel companions and pit stops make the journey and bring me to my destination. By companions, I certainly mean more than books and the computer. I do mean people – real human beings who complain about bad weather in the same breath as waxing lyrical about Bourdieu. Sometime more weather, sometime more Bourdieu. (By the way, Bourdieu is not a type of wine.) And those seminars scattered around, social things that happen in between or in sheer serendipity, and whatever you do with people all other times.
I’m a full-time doctoral student but I’m also a full-time person interested in meaningful exchanges and changing the world. (Yes, changing the world, one word at a time, one child at a time, one friend at a time.) I will dig many tunnels yet. And miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep.